Miley Cyrus

     Because I am a new blog, I'm still trying to find my audience. As such, I've decided to by following success. I've been studying other blogs and websites, trying to figure out what attracts readers, and right now it's clear to me what the biggest draw is: Miley. More specifically, everyone seems obsessed with talking about how a once sweet, Disney star has apparently become a racist prostitute.
     For the record, I have not actually seen the performance that started it all, so I technically don't know for certain how racistly slutty (or, perhaps, sluttily racist) it actually is. However, given the way it has been described to me, I imagine she defiled a Martin Luther King Jr blow up doll before queefing her way through a negro spiritual. If this is indeed the case, the bombastic outcry is totally justified, and not at all just the media talking shit about a 20 year old in order to gain readers and viewers.  The national dialogue sparked by the tragedy that occurred at the VMAs is undoubtedly going to end both racism and teen pregnancy in one foul swoop, and I want to contribute to it. So with that, I present to you my open letter to Miley Cyrus.

Dear Miley, 

     Fuck you. You're a stupid racist slut. You're like the baby that would be produced if all those Tiger Woods mistresses gang-banged Hitler. Fuck you. I don't even know how you sleep at night. I mean, if the shame you should feel isn't enough to make toss and turn, the pain you feel from your syphilitic cooter should sure be. 

     You dumb bitch. What self respecting human being would think of a performance like that? What the fucking fuck were you thinking? What did the syphilis finally spread to your brain? Yeah, I know I mentioned syphilis twice. That's because I'm assuming you carry two distinct strains of it. 

     And what's this I hear about you singing about drugs?!?! I mean, the minstrel shows I can forgive, but what the hell kind of 20 year old experiments with sex and drugs? What's next? Are you going to make shop lifting cool again? What about murder? What, are you going to start dabbling in some corporate embezzlement? I guess the sky's the limit for you, isn't it you stupid whore. 

     Does it feel good, Miley? Does it feel good knowing that you single handedly corrupted an entire generation of children? What else do you have up your sleeve? How else do you plan on fucking our country in the ass, huh? What was that gas in Syria actually just the noxious fumes that naturally leak out of your diseased snatch? I wouldn't be surprised. 

    In closing, Miley, I think we can all agree that you should take a good long look in the mirror, and then commit suicide. We would all be better off. 

Sincerely, 

    Willie Muse